


Roll for Initiative

by Moggiye20



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Crack, Gentiana - Freeform, Loqi Tummelt - Freeform, Multi, Selena Ulric - Freeform, contextless moogle search history, so much crack, weird use of a D20 die, with guest appearances by - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 02:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19880167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moggiye20/pseuds/Moggiye20
Summary: The kingdoms of Eos are united with memes and nerdity.





	Roll for Initiative

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TigerNightCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TigerNightCat/gifts).



> I'd like to warn I have no idea how to tech, so like all that hacker babble at the end is just that. Babble. It's just for giggles. Like the rest of the story. Don't take it seriously.  
> This is for TigerNightCat who yet again enabled this xDD

The first time Noctis silenced the bickering council and rolled a twenty sided dice across the table, the issue had been about whether to increase taxes to fund the military. The bright red number stood up.

“What,” Councilman Caius said eloquently. “Your Majesty, what is the meaning of this.”

“Folks of the Royal Council, this is a twenty sided die and if we cannot _peacefully_ come to a resolution about matters, then I will bring it out. Twenty means we unanimously agree. A one means we unanimously disagree. As you can see, I have rolled a one, ergo, we will not be forcing the working class citizens to pay more.” He glared at Caius when the man attempted to protest. “Councilman Caius, do remember who voted you in and when election season is. The only reason you won the last election was my father enjoyed the perspective you brought to the table. However, you can still be replaced.”

Caius scoffed. “Your Majesty, are you threatening me?!”

Ignis, who had been seated on Noctis’ left snorted. “Hardly, my dear Councilman, I believe that is reserved for your soon-to-be ex-wife’s divorce attorney.” A member down the table cleared their throat in amusement. “But, back to the matter at hand, we still must have the funding secured.”

Noctis shrugged. “I vote a 40% pay cut for all of us.” He was pretty sure the outrage could be heard in Hammerhead.

“I can’t live off that!” Councilman Kellen yelled.

Noctis raised an eyebrow. “You can’t live off 60% of 200,000 gil annually, yet expect hardworking Lucians to cough up an additional 5% on the already grueling 25% they have to pay on their measly 30k earnings? I caution how you answer that.”

He summoned his die back and held it between his fingers. “One we unanimously nix this motion. Two through ten each of you opposed will publicly explain why we nix this idea. Eleven through nineteen each of you for the motion will publicly explain why we pass it. Twenty we pass it unanimously.”

Shaking his hand, his tossed the dice. The occupants at the table watched silently as it rolled, before coming to a stop, displaying a twelve.

“Alright, all in favour of a pay cut, raise your hands please.” Noctis, Ignis, and Gladio’s hands immediately went up. Councilwomans Ulric and Gentiana raised their hands.

“Will this form of decision making become a regular thing, Your Majesty?” Councilwoman Ulric asked, her eyes twinkling.

“You know what, I think it will. I feel like it makes us a little more in touch with the generation entering the workforce,” Noctis said, sending the dice to the armiger. “Alright, we’ll each write up something short and sweet. Lord Scientia, could you let our media liaison know we’re calling for a press conference tomorrow afternoon?”

“Certainly Sir.”

“Cool, then I guess the meeting’s adjourned.”

“I don’t know who’s going to pitch a bigger fit; your dad or the people.” Gladio said after everyone left. “This is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done.”

Noctis grinned. “What can I say? Well behaved monarchs rarely get cited in bar room arguments.”

Turns out there was a sizable group of people in favour of Noctis’ odd way of deciding how to rule the country. And that number only grew as his D20 decisions steered them into prosperity. From rebuilding Galahd to getting infrastructure built between Hammerhead and Lestallum to getting a sustainable water system in place for farmers in Liede.

Skeptics were convinced Noctis had simply sold his soul to the gods for their good favour and routinely made absurd articles on the subject that Gladio enjoyed reading during breakfast.

One morning, Noctis was woken by banging on his bedroom door. “Whaaa?” He groaned.

“Noctis! The Emperor is dead!” The door burst open with a frazzled looking Ignis holding his beloved tablet up. “Ielodas Aldercapt is dead. His successor, his son is set to take the throne.”

Noctis blinked at him blearily. “Aldercapt had a son? Wait, that dude got laid?!”

Gladio entered the room to see what the commotion was about. “Says a lot about a guy when he’s more concerned about old guys getting some than, say, the war ending.”

“It’s two in the freaking morning! Gimme a break!”

“Three, actually.”

“Not helping your case, Specs. We’ll talk in the morning, out, shoo.”

Later on that week, Noctis was in the conference room with the heads of his military. “Really, full retreats on all fronts?” He said, scrolling through the reports on his tablet.

“Yep, likely only a matter of time before they send a request for a formal ceasefire,” Nyx said, standing next to Cor.

“Think it could be a trap?”

Cor shook his head. “According to my sources, the civil unrest was becoming incredibly violent. I’m pretty confident the offical cause of death the Nif officals posted was mistranslated and he died from an assassination, not an old heart.”

Noctis smirked. “I believe it. Guess we’ll just have to keep tabs on how things go before offering anything official in terms of a peace treaty or whatever.”

It was nearly two months of speculations and rumours running wild before a request to discuss peace was made. In that time many officials from the Niflheim hierarchy had either fled the country or died under mysterious circumstances.

Noctis spent the week before the official arrival of the Niflheim dignitaries watching with growing amusement as Nyx and Cor finalized security details. Thankfully, the week wasn’t short notice for them to get everything together.

“ _Presenting the Emperor of Niflheim._ ”

The doors to the throne room opened and Noctis sat on the edge of his seat. Their intelligence had only grabbed brief snippets of info on the son of Ielodas. No photos (though to be fair, public appearances were pretty risky). So seeing a young blond kid decked out in royal garb walk in with his personal security detail wasn’t what he was expecting.

“Looks your age,” Gladio rumbled quietly.

Noctis was honestly relieved the guy wasn’t like Captain Ulric’s age or anything. But, he was concerned how hot he was.

“Holy Shiva, you’re beautiful,” the Emperor breathed, freezing on the spot. The head of his security detail coughed in her hand as the room went silent. “Erm, Y-Your Majesty!”

“Awkward as you too, this should be fun.” Noctis zapped Gladio as he stood. 

“Uh, thank you, you aren’t so bad looking yourself, Your Majesty. Thank you for coming.” The two of them stared at each other until Ignis meaningfully cleared his throat. “Uh, right, well we have the guest wing ready for you all. The party is at 8pm on the roof--”

Emperor Prompto gasped, his face lighting up. “On the roof? With that view?!” His bodyguard elbowed him and his cleared his throat. “Er, that sounds amenable.”

Later on at the party, Noctis found Prompto at the rail, staring out in wonder. “Do they not have tall structures in Niflheim?” He asked.

“Hm? No, before my father killed the goddess Shiva, we used to have dragons and the tall buildings routinely got wrecked ‘cause it turns out dragons get blinded by the sun glare like birds. And with the war reconstruction just never really been on the to-do list, you know?”

Noctis stared at him. “How am I just learning you guys have dragons?!”

Prompto smiled, accepting a glass of champagne from a passing servant. “Had. The cold forced them to migrate to other regions. Do you guys have the same issue with your wall?” He pointed to the sky where the shield glittered.

Noctis wobbled his hand. “Eh, sort of? Like, I think it’s set up to allow organic matter through. Cause I’ve seen migratory birds fly in and out. No offense to your dad, but his army was all machine.”

“Heh, I can’t believe his ‘greatest’ creation got blocked by an organic wall,” Prompto giggled, hand not holding his drink raised to make actual air quotes. His eyes drifted over Noctis’ shoulder and widened. “Is that Lady Lunafreya?!”

Noctis turned to see Luna shaking hands with Ignis. “Yeah, she wanted to make it in to see this historic event herself. Her brother didn’t want her here though, guess he was afraid you’d steal her away.”

Prompto blinked. “But she’s not even my type, maybe, I think? And besides, she’d probably wreck me in King’s Knight.”

Noctis’ brain lost his train of thought about what Prompto’s type was when he mentioned his favourite game. “You play?! Dude, what’s your gamer tag?!” He said, pulling his phone out. “Wifi password is sleep4evr. That’s the number four and only one e in ‘ever’.”

“Boys, you’re at a political event, put your phones away,” Prompto’s bodyguard scolded them.

“I’m 25 and king,” Noctis grumbled, but put his phone back in his pocket.

“Sorry, King Noctis, this is Commodore Aranea Highwind, head of my personal security detail,” Prompto introduced her.

“Also known as the pain in the former regime’s ass,” she winked at Noctis.

“I’ve heard tales of your old merc missions, decided you needed a steadier paycheque, eh?” Noctis asked.

“Something like that.”

“Your Majesty’s.” Both men turned and greeted Luna. “Emperor Aldercapt it is so wonderful to see you here on this historic day.”

“Ah, Prompto, please Princess Lunafreya, I keep thinking you’re talking to my father,” Prompto grimaced.

“Then call me Luna,” she smiled sweetly then leaned in to whisper to them. “Did I hear you two talk about Kings Knight?”

Meanwhile on the other side of the roof, Cor and Nyx stood with General Loqi and Commander Ravus watching the three young rulers babble about their game. “Who knew the nations would be united with a passion for video games?” Nyx spoke up.

“My father is rolling in his grave as we speak,” Loqi sniffed.

The following morning Noctis woke up with three messages from Emp-- from Prompto.

 **Prompto [06:02]:** Morning!  
**Prompto [06:02]:** I just thought of a great name for our political union peace treaty thingy

**Prompto [06:42]:** Aranea just informed me you don’t get up this early so I’ll see you at breakfast

With the amount of propaganda both sides were guilty of slinging at each other, Noctis was genuinely worried Prompto would have no idea what memes were. He was beside himself with delight to find out otherwise. He scrolled through his saved memes and sent him the brave meme.

He went through his morning routine before being escorted by Gladio to the dining hall where Prompto was already seated with Luna and a glowering Ravus. “Morning,” he said, slumping in his usual seat, gratefully accepting a cup of coffee from Ignis.

“Memes this early in the morning, Your Majesty?” Ignis spoke up as they each filled their plates with breakfast goods.

Noctis shrugged. “Gotta keep the flames alive somehow.”

“Mood,” Prompto muttered before perking up. “Wait, you tell your advisor about your texts?”

“Nah, he has my phone tapped so he knows if anyone hacks it,” Noctis waved a hand dismissively.

“Yes, don’t make the same mistake I made and send an inappropriate photo for constructive criticism,” Luna said solemnly.

“ _Lunafreya!_ ” Ravus choked out, scandalised.

“Big dick energy,” Prompto and Noctis said at the same time, staring at her in awe. They looked at each other and air fived across the table.

“Lady and gentlemen, if we could please focus on our food so we can get to work on terms of agreement,” Ignis called out, eyeing the way the vein in Ravus’ temple throbbed.

After breakfast the royals were ushered into the conference room, both sides with folders, notepads, and pens. 

Noctis settled in and opened with folder with the Nif emblem on it to read their proposed terms. Luna sat at the end of the table as a sort of mediator. “Alright, questions, concerns?”

“Yeah, do the import fees gotta be a thing?” Noctis asked. “I mean, it’s been like a couple hundred years of fighting, I feel like that’s really going to put a damper on encouraging trade between our nations, you know? Here, let’s roll on it.” Not even thinking about it, Noctis summoned his die to his hand.

He looked at Prompto when the young emperor made a strangled noise. Gladio, who was standing behind Noctis, tensed when the blonde dug into his pocket and pulled out a D20 die. “Dude, I make decisions the same way!”

Both men looked to Luna, who raised a hand from her lap and wiggled her wrist, a D20 die hanging off a braclet. She winked and whispered, “Don’t tell Ravus.”

“Bahamut help us, our nations are being led by nerds,” Aranea muttered under her breath as she stood next to Cor.

Cor smirked. “I for one accept our new overlords.”

Aranea raised an eyebrow. “Cor the Immortal, budding master of memes?”

Cor gave her the barest of shrugs. He was initially against it until he realised how annoyed Clarus got when he randomly spouted them in conversation.

And that is the love story of how the greatest nations of Eos united.

Bonus scene:

Greg chugged his energy drink down before tossing the can away. Cracking his knuckles, his wiggled his fingers and began hacking into the Citadel’s servers. It was 2am and he was bored more than anything. After poking around looking for weak spots in their firewall he finally found a place where he could wiggle in. The King’s personal computer.

Grinning like a loon, he began searching through his files. Nothing top secret was there, just games, pictures of the Queen’s dogs, and the Emperor’s personal folder of random sunset photos and nature shit.

Boring!

Seriously, the most scandalous marriage in the history of Eos and they were boring! Greg pouted for five seconds until he eyed the internet icon on the King’s desktop and a light bulb went on.

His search history.

Most old fogies never cleared their search history (never mind cookies or cache) then begged and threw gil to gods like himself to fix their computers. 

Perfect.

He clicked away and stared in confusion.

“101 uses for carrots, not food related”

“101 things to do with a banana”

“what can you do with curry, not food related”

“nefarious meaning”

“cute hoodies”

“cute boyfriend hoodies”

“men’s lingerie”

“what is 4chan”

“glass vs. silicone insertion”

“what is fanfic”

“royal fanfics”

“what is that spatula looking thing that’s not actually a spatula”

“what is a tossed salad”

“what is a tossed salad, not food related”

“how easy do you think it is to sneak into the zoo right now to see some penguins”

“what is a furry”

“fursuits”

“Gregory Pentecoste needs to go to bed”

Greg jumped away from his computer then realised the alarms he’d set up to notify him if he was being tracked were going off like mad. He immediately began wiping his computer. He was worried about the Crownsguard banging on his door, but then he realised even if he tried to screenshot what he’d found and post it online, no one would believe him.

He was also now cursed with the image of Queen Lunafreya, Emperor Prompto, and King Noctis yiffing. Or not, he prayed they were just trolling or something. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading come yell at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moggiye20)


End file.
